so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
