Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
