I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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