It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
