I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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