my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
