you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
