i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
