My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
