My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
