Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
