she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
