Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
