well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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