STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
