I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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