Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
