# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
