you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
