My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
