I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
