dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
