My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
