mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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