Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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