By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
