she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
