Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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