This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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