I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize