So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
