I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
