How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
