Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize