do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
