he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
