wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
