new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
