Umm I'm too high to move.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
