You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize