I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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