I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
