i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
