Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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