Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Randomize
