i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
