Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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