I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
no more duck duck goose at the bar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
