we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
