Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
