hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
