summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
