She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
