Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
