so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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