need another drink. this is the easiest way
So drunk its hurt
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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