What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
