So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
