I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
