btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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