There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
