just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
