i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
