I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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