The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
