we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize